Re-defining Productivity and Taking On Distracted Parenting

I've come to the conclusion that single moms and artists may be among the two most productivity-challenged populations in the world, but for different reasons. If you happen to be, as I am, a single mother and an artist, well, there may not be great hope for you on the productivity front. Unless... you re-define productivity. Which is something I am doing for myself these days.

I'm going to focus today's post on the challenges to productivity facing single moms, and will delve into the same topic as applied to artists in my next post. (Your eyes will want that break, right?)  My challenges to productivity as a single mom are different now than they used to be, and will continue to be change their form throughout her developmental stages (having also raised a now-20-year-old, I know this to be true). Now that I'm single mom to a 7-year-old, most the biggest challenges to productivity fall into two major categories: 1) She wants to do things herself instead of have me do them for her (though this inevitably takes more time) and 2) she interrupts me. A lot.

First, the matter of her wanting to do things for herself. This means things like six before-school wardrobe-changes because she's trying for just the "right look" (for first grade?!). It can also mean watching her scrape ice from the car windshield. very. very. slowly. because. she is doing it. line. by. methodical. line.

The urge, of course, is to hurry her along, but this frustrates her and thwarts her developing independence. So, the alternative is to build in extra time for certain things, and, since she needs supervision for a lot of her new solo endeavors, giving up the idea that this is "wasting time" and taking away from the myriad other tasks I might be doing. I try to tell myself that this is time given to the work of parenting, and that parenting time is not a check-off item on a To Do list, but is "productive" all the same. It's "producing" a happier, more independent child (if not a batch of folded laundry or an errand run).

The second productivity challenge while parenting a 7-year-old is interruptions. This child ask questions about everything. And wants to show me things. And wants to do things with me. She interrupts so often and in so many ways that she sometimes interrupts herself in the middle of interrupting.

This latter category is the one I am struggling with the most these days. Not just because it hinders my productivity, for obvious reasons, but also because it contributes to a parenting problem of mine I'm trying to address recently. The problem of distracted parenting. Which is to say, I sometimes deal with her frequent interruptions by tuning out, often with assistance from my I-phone. I try to tell myself that I am "getting things done" (like checking and responding to email), but the truth is that I sometimes do it in such a way that I am physically present, but mentally AWOL. At which point, she has my physical presence, but not my real presence. I am elsewhere.

Now, to be clear, I am not advocating for a parenting approach in which one focuses attention on one's children constantly and does not pay attention to one's own needs/tasks/growth. But I am also calling myself out. My daughter, now school age, is not with me during the weekday daytime. And, my cell phone can be curiously addictive. If I'm not with her during the day, and I am engrossed with my phone for much of the night, that spells unavailability.

Increasingly, how I'm learning to think about productivity is not in focusing on how many tasks I crossed off a list, but in considering how my daily actions match up with my priorities. In making time for undistracted talk, silliness, and sometimes doing nothing together, I am co-producing with my daughter something I care about. Which is the bond between us. And the privilege of seeing her, really seeing her, at this age which she will never be again.