There are times when it feels to me like everyone, everywhere is working on the same thing at the same time. Whether I'm in sessions with clients, connecting with family, and catching up with friends, conversations will seem to coalesce around a particular theme, and the same questions, observations, insights, and challenges come up again and again, as people grapple with exactly the same thing (albeit with different circumstances) that I'm grappling with in my own life.
Right now, the theme seems to be: How do I know what's right for me? An interesting question, considering how often we hear the advice to do what's right for us, as if we automatically know, in all circumstances, what that is.
And yet:
One person I know tries to decide whether she should leave a community where a tragedy happened; while it doesn't feel the same to her and she feels the urge to go, her partner remains devoted to it and wants to stay.
Another person I talked with recently is an artist who feels a strong pull to leave a well-paying but unsatisfying job to accept a rare and low-paying apprenticeship in a craft she feels incredibly drawn to. She sees her current work situation as a source of depression and stress. But, she is a single mother and the sole source of financial support for her family.
A third conversation was with a person who is in a long-standing and sometimes high-conflict relationship. She said that when things are harmonious in the relationship, it is everything she wants, but when they fight, their interactions are brutal and exhausting, and becoming more so over time. She said she feels the equal and strong pulls both to stay and to leave, and that her indecision about something so important is making her miserable.
Similarly, my own life this year has been full of crossroads and complicated tangles of mixed-up thoughts and feelings as I've grappled, and continue to grapple, with major decisions in the realms of work, parenting, and personal life. So in recognizing this How-do-I-know-what's-right-for-me theme, I decided to do a little light Internet research on the subject (Isn't Google search wonderful?). I spent time browsing how to articles, psychology study summaries, and blogs, hoping, I suppose for something like a formula or road map.
But as everyone knows, simple strategies like Pros annd Cons lists offer little when it comes to deciphering answers which, in my opinion, must draw from many places, including our minds, our hearts, our experiences with previous decisions and change, and our valued connections with loved ones.
If you have navigated a difficult decision and are pleased with how things turned out, I would love to hear how you made the decision and what you've learned about figuring out what's right for you. If, on the other hand, you are one of many people grappling with a decision right now, I would love to hear from you, too. We know, at least, that we're in a very large and crowded boat together, and there is strengh to be found in sharing experiences if not answers.
Here's to the journey.
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