Everywhere you turn, there are books, quotes, and blog posts about the importance of gratitude. An ever-growing variety of gratitude journals give people a reminder and a place to practice gratitude daily, and more and more people are teaming up to share their daily gratitude lists by text, email, or Facebook.
Obviously, gratitude can be a huge asset. Without a doubt, the conscious and intentional practice of gratitude can offer important benefits, including improved mood, increased capacity for positive thinking, and spiritual growth. If there is a downside to our increasing emphasis on gratitude, though, I believe it is in the potential for people to interpret it as a message that it is unacceptable to talk about what's difficult. That when we are struggling, it means we are just insufficiently grateful.
Yesterday, I read this blog post https://vanessamartir.wordpress.com/2014/09/22/im-a-single-mother-and-this-shit-is-hard. It's about the sometimes overwhelming-feeling challenge of being a single mother, and the pressure on single mothers to keep our mouth shut about how hard it can be. The author clearly adores her daughter and clearly feels grateful to be her daughter's mother. Yet, she wrote about the stuff that many of us feel we are expected to keep silent about. When I read it, I felt validated, understood, and less alone. I also felt empowered to share a little more about my own struggle with single parenting.
As a therapist, I have seen clients make profound positive changes in their lives. Many have shared with me extensively about the joys and gifts in their lives. But rarely an awareness of these positives been the impetus for them to start therapy, or any other endeavor which is geared toward improving one's life. Instead, it is the willingness to acknowledge a struggle, a challenge, an unacceptable level of suffering, that convinces them to address their difficulties meaningfully. But we do not arrive in that place by ignoring the signs that there is a real problem we ought to address.
Recognizing and speaking our truth can connect us to others who "get" us, pinpoint the facets of a problem so we can begin to work toward its solution, and spark social change. So, yes, let's take inventory of the positive along with the negative. Let's remember to appreciate the good in our lives and to share our appreciation. Generally speaking, that's good for us, for our relationships, and for our communities. But let's remember, too, the value of speaking our truth and really listening when other people do so.
Our struggles, our truths, are part of our humanity. As with our blessings, they deserve our attention.
Nice read Susan. I agree. The expectation that we always have to put on a smile and pull ourselves up by the boot straps is a message I grew up with. Of course, we don't want to be a Debbie Downer but to just be able to be genuine about how difficult life can be at times and how glorious it can be is important to acknowledge.
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