I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, and I'm not so sure I ever was...

"There's no place like home," Dorothy famously said.

But what if you are someone for whom 'home'-- that presumed universal sense of right place and belonging-- has been elusive? Is that a problem of setting, to be addressed geographically? A problem of self-definition or vocation to be discussed with a therapist? A social issue to be understood from the vantage point of fitting in (or not) with a particular group?

Someone recently said this to me:

"I have stopped looking for that situation where I belong, since belonging seems a non-option for me. I focus nowadays on other things. It's mostly ok, except for those times when I'm unrelentingly lonely..."

I understood that the type of loneliness they were referring to had nothing to do with the presence or proximity of other people.

Last week, I went to a weekend writing retreat, where I spent time with a fabulous group of people who were 1) also women, 2) also writers, and 3) also people who value emotional truth and meaningful communication. Leaving that context was like the Wizard of Oz film in reverse, with vibrant-colored scenery replaced by black and white.

Some of this, of course, can be attributed to general post-positive experience letdown. There is an inherent sense of loss when you switch from a weekend devoted to a favorite activity to a work week juxtaposed with permission slips, car maintenance issues, and laundry.

But there's another part. The longing to fit in, and the sense that I don't.

Do we unconsciously replicate our early experiences? Growing up, school was a disaster of wrong fit for me, while my sister inhabited that world just fine. In adulthood, I have gravitated to work settings and contexts where I have been an outsider. A hearing staff member among Deaf staff working with Deaf clients. A social worker among primarily forensic psychologists. The lone clinician working among Probation and Parole Officers. On some level, do I set myself up to feel different and apart?

On the other hand, could there be a location or context that is more "me" than the one I'm in currently? I have tended to land in one particular place or another for practical, logistical reasons. This town has affordable housing or a decent school system. This address puts me closer to family or a particular job. The idea of choosing a place for the place itself is new and holds some intrigue for me.

Whatever the solution is-- a relocation or some soul-searching, a change of scene or a change of self-- a keen observer might notice me clicking my heels together while I try to figure the whole thing out. You don't have to have visited Kansas before to believe it exists, out there or somewhere within.

And of course, a little magic never hurts.