How to get back on the horse when it matters most

We've all heard the old adage about the importance of getting back on the horse after a fall. We know it, we get it-- perhaps we even tell it to our kids. But sometimes the fall is particularly hard, and let's face it, when you're badly bruised, that horse can look especially  tall, your horse's movements can seem particularly spastic and untrustworthy, and the ground can seem like something better to keep your feet planted upon than to view from what is perhaps an unreasonable height.

The truth is, getting back on the horse can be incredibly difficult. Here's why, and how to improve your odds

1) Our brains are wired to tell us there's a danger, but not so much to tell us that the danger's over. We survive, at least in part, by etching the details of a dangerous situation into our brain, so that the close call we had one time won't cause our demise the next. This means that our level of fear should not automatically be considered a measure of actual risk. If we know this, we can use self-talk to remind ourselves that the fact that we're scared doesn't mean we'll get hurt again.

2) We may need to re-assess, rather than avoid, the horse and our riding, in terms of what we really value and want? Is getting back on the horse truly necessary and important to us? Maybe horseback riding gives us an incomparable thrill that is worth whatever it takes to try to get back in the saddle. On the other hand, maybe the horse is unpredictable, and there's a safer horse to be riding. Or maybe you want to deepen your bond with a particular horse, and it isn't about the riding at all-- in which case, getting "back in the saddle" is now a metaphor for maintaining and improving your relationship with an animal. The more you understand about the particulars of your own motivation, the more you can feel confident in your decision-making despite a certain level of fear.

3) In order to face a particularly intense fear, it's in our interest both to seek out our support system, and to be our own best, kindest, most enthusiastic friend. It is easiest, of course, to just avoid what we are scared to deal with. At least in the short run. But if the thing we are avoiding will bring us something we truly value, then what's at stake from our avoidance is boredom, dissatisfaction, and unrealized goals and dreams. So, when we face something hard, we should do it with all the support, compassion, and good will that's available to us. And then some. So don't be afraid to throw yourself a party (actually or metaphorically) to cheer yourself on. Positive feedback is motivating. Cultivate it in large quantities to face that one thing which seems scariest to you.